Sweet Desire…

I know I’ve been slacking of late in my blogging and I humbly apologise. If I thought 2015 was an insane year, 2016 took off with a bang and I’m still trying to find myself!

The Wilderness

My day job has been keeping me quite busy and I’m incredibly grateful having employment that pays the bills, however it makes it so much harder trying to squeeze in time for writing. I recently got the opportunity to travel to the Wilderness for a short stint as part of a strategic planning session and it felt like a sin to be working in a slice of paradise and not having time to explore its beauty. On a free moment, I took a leisurely walk along the shore and I was in awe of the timeless splendour of the Southern Cape. I could see myself living there – in a cottage close to the beach, cuddling up on a swing chair with Neil, soaking up the surroundings, without a trace of stress on the horizon. Ah – if only my dreams could turn into reality, how tranquil life would be?

The garden route highway skirting the coastline

But alas here I am, still running like a hamster on a wheel, thinking I’m making progress, only to find I’ve stayed in the same place, dishevelled and utterly exhausted! I only got around to compiling my goals for the year towards the end of February instead of them being New Year’s resolutions! But no matter, promises made then tend to be too idealistic and fizzle out anyway.

The lagoon and sea intertwining

I recently came across an insightful post on the Change blog  on how to achieve what matters the most and why resolutions never pan out. Many of us tend to list too many goals to achieve, being brain-washed by society into thinking that we can have it all. The longer the list, the greater the failure as we’re too busy juggling them in the air, dropping one at a time. The post recommends focussing on one goal at a time, making it a priority, investing enough time and energy to ensure it materialises. This was an A-HA moment for me – one that has worked well in the past, but has been watered down due to a growing number of goals I want(ed) to achieve. I emphasise the word “want” because they’re nice to haves… I want to run a marathon, I want to lose weight, I want a six pack, you name it, I’ve wanted it all! These wants are great to envision, however none happen overnight, some taking months even years to take shape. Patience is not my friend and we’ve been having an on and off relationship for years now!

Malini and I 🙂

But the message sunk in. I needed to streamline my goals, I had to be real with myself and ask what held a burning desire for me to achieve. Last year carried a fair share of disappointment and made me realise that although it’s great to plan elaborate goals, life has a way of knocking the wind out of your sail and steering you on a course you had no intention of following. Instead of focussing on the same goals of yesteryear, I decided to attempt something I never thought I had the guts to commit to.

My number one priority this year isn’t running, nor is it shedding five kilograms… drum roll… it’s to write the first draft of a romance novel!!! The mere thought of it makes me feel like a public speaker about to address a roomful of people.

My fellow writers have enquired when I plan on joining them for NaNoWrimo (a month when they commit to writing a 50 000 word novel) and I’ve always evaded it, saying I needed more time to learn the craft and develop as a writer. However, I could procrastinate forever and may never be ready! But if I have the courage to take the first step towards making it a reality, then I would have learnt from trial and error.

It takes me back to a time six years ago when I knew I had to turn my life around and find help to overcome my alcoholism. I’d researched the AA for a while, stalking them via phone for advice, sought ways and means to curb my drinking, to no avail. Until I had the courage to face my fears, to step into a meeting with nobody holding my hand, uttering the words “I had a desire to stop drinking” and forced myself to sit it out without running away was the day my life changed!

For as long as I can remember I’ve always wanted to be a writer and now that I’ve been pursuing writing seriously for the past two years, I’ve finally reached the stage of taking the next step of penning a story from my soul. The past few months has seen me sitting around Meg van der Merwe’s table learning the art of creative writing. I could ask for no better mentor, she has opened my eyes to a world of possibilities, pulled me out of my comfort zone and pushes me to face my fears. I also form part of small writers’ review group who are happy to provide me with guidance as I take on this mammoth mission.

So what does this mean for my blogging? Sadly, fewer posts 😦 although I will fill you in from time to time on how the process is unfolding. I vow not to abandon my blog and humbly ask for your support as I have a “sweet baby” on the way. The time has arrived to nurture it, give it my undivided attention and fulfil my dream of writing fiction 🙂